Online Couples Counsellor: Fostering Acceptance of Individual Differences
As a couples counsellor offering online and in-person couples counselling and therapy worldwide, I deal with a wide variety of challenges that couples may encounter. One of the critical aspects we often focus on in couples therapy is the intolerance of individual differences. Marriage counsellors and couples therapists tend to view the acceptance and tolerance of individual differences as crucial for a healthy and lasting relationship. Individual differences refer to the variation among people regarding a particular characteristic or several characteristics that distinguish one person from another. Such differences may comprise capabilities/disabilities, physical appearance, education, cultural differences (socioeconomic background, religion, ethnicity, race, etc.), gender, age and any other attribute distinguishing among people. Furthermore, individual differences may comprise dissimilarities among people due to experience, temperament and personality traits.
The inability to accept or tolerate these differences may regularly lead to resentment or disagreements. It often results in a frustrated and unhappy marriage or its dissolution. Thus, couples therapy or counselling typically involves interventions which aim to facilitate the acceptance of essential differences or disparities between partners. Yet, no individual difference should be tolerated to the extent that it justifies abusive behaviour or disrespect. Below, I present an example of a therapeutic method that I might employ to address the issue of intolerance of individual differences in partners. Importantly, therapy may involve a blend of several approaches. Or, in some cases, no approach is used. It depends on what the therapist considers most beneficial.
Acceptance and tolerance are achievable by developing an empathic understanding of your partner’s experience. Importantly, acceptance is attainable by working together with your partner as a team to deal with hardships.
Online or In-Person Couples Therapy: Boosting Acceptance
Strategies to boost acceptance aim at suggesting partners new ways of considering their issues. To work on acceptance, I find the empathic joining and unified detachment techniques rather effective.
Empathic joining unveils each partner’s vulnerability by letting them express their standpoint on a problem while being listened to by their partner and the counsellor. Therefore, my mission as a couple’s therapist is to promote the expression of feelings instead of blaming, accusing, commenting on or criticising the partner’s behaviour. Similarly, unified detachment aims at ceasing blame or accusations by helping partners develop a more neutral and less emotional perspective on their differences and issues. Moreover, a couple learns to consider those problems as subjective rather than a deficiency, shortcoming or imperfection in the other.
Tolerance
Interventions to develop tolerance aim to stop partners from endeavouring to change each other.
Change
Change strategies help strengthen and encourage positive behaviours that partners already manifest towards each other. Furthermore, change interventions address a lack of problem-solving and communication skills.
Online or In-Person Couples Therapy: Mindfulness for Relationship Problems
Finally, as an online integrative couples counsellor and therapist, I may employ mindfulness-based interventions. These techniques can enhance the acceptance of differences in a partner by promoting self-acceptance as a foundational step. Above all, mindfulness techniques aim at augmenting each partner’s non-judgemental acceptance of their own experiences. Acceptance of their own experiences could ultimately aid them in creating new, helpful ways of connecting. In this manner, mindfulness exercises help improve the sense of connectedness and intimacy. Mindfulness strategies typically include meditation, relaxation and breathing exercises.